Therapist friend as therapist ... to do or not to do?

Well, for me the answer to that question is a big fat “NOT TO DO”. And how, you may ask, do I come to this conclusion? Look, I don’t have any research, survey data or scientific studies backing me up. In fact, till this afternoon, I was all for seeing your therapist friend in a professional capacity and then I found out about ......... the betrayal!!! .

Sure, I’m making light of it now. But let me tell you, it is devastating to find out that a person you trusted with your deepest, darkest truths in a time of deep, dark despair was never to be trusted at all. Here’s a bullet point summary of what went down -

• I am miserable in my marriage and am twisting myself into a pretzel trying to make things work (more on that in future posts)
• Besides meditation and talking to my mom, I feel like I need to see someone who can really help me figure out what is happening 
• Cue friend-who-just-got-her-counselling-diploma 
• Insert bad decision #1 - I ask her if she will see me as a therapist for a few sessions (for free please)
• Bad decision #2 - she agrees
• Bad decision #3 - I actually go and spill my guts about all my marital trauma and then I even talk about my childhood and mommy/daddy issues
• Bad decision #4 - our kids are friends and so we remain friends and continue to socialise (think playdates, birthday parties where I go over to her house to help out, movie dates, etc etc) leading ultimately to ... 
• Super-duper awesome decision #1 - confronting her after finding out from a common friend that she met my soon-to-be-ex (stbx) for coffee around the same time as I was puking my troubles to her without my knowledge, leading to ...
• Shitty consequence #1 - finding out that she considers my stbx (see full-form above) her “friend” and that they used to “hang out” (WTF?!?)
•  Shitty consequence #2 - also then finding out that he saw her as a therapist too and more than once (WTeffingF?!?!?!?!) and I didn’t know, leading then to ... 
• AWESOMEST decision ever - She is out of my life, faux evah!

Now I don’t know about what (if any) ethical code therapists are told to follow about seeing clients from the same family without the knowledge of the other BUT I am 100% sure that these ethical guidelines do not apply in this situation. 

So in conclusion kids, choose your friends wisely and your therapist even more wisely. And make sure that the two NEVER EVER overlap.

P.S. - I know I’m back after almost a decade and boy! have things changed since I was that happy, pregnant, optimistic imbecile. Life and I have had an epic battle and I feel as though I am just now emerging from the rubble and gingerly testing my bones to see if anything is broken. So far, we seem to be doing OKish ... the bleeding is all internal hah! But on the road to recovery I will see you in the next posts.